Many marriages and relationship are going through challenges such as physical or emotional abuse, financial, internal and external situations.
Let me put it simple, many women married a lot of boys instead of men(the same goes for women too) that is the genesis of problems in quite a number of homes. Because a male has a good job, money in the pocket, ‘he’s tall and handsome’, or he could manufacture babies; doesn’t mean he is a man.
AGE IS NOT THE ISSUE
Many men are 50 years but they are still behaving like boys, then they are boys, i saw this with due respect to other men who are true men indeed. A male could be 25 year old, and could be a man, while a male of 60 years old, could remain a boy.
WHAT OF MATURITY ?
The difference between a boy and a man is maturity. Not physic, not finance, not the looks or sex, but a sense of respect, honour integrity, responsibility, true and sincere LOVE.
God said for this reason shall a man; leave his mother and father……..
God didn’t say ,’a boy’, but a MAN!
The problem we are having is that too many boys are marrying. No matter how much you glorify the boy, he can never be a man until he grows up!
And you women would have to nurse and baby seat that boy for ever.
Question1: ‘How do i recorgnise a boy that is pretending to be a man?’
The first stage to realising if your husban is a boy or a man, is to ask yourself, what are the attribute of a boy(lets consider the bad side first): They are childish,they love to be pet or to be praised, they say sorry even when they do not mean it, they easily forget yesterday, they easily give up on their desire, they easily think that the grass is greener on the other side, they blame others for their own faults, they never admit their mistake, they tell lies, they cheat, they do not like to be corrected, they are stubborn, they like to beatup the younger ones, sometime they like to take advantage of other people’s weakness and so on and so forth.
First, its ok for any man as they grow up to retain some of their childish attitude, its a transition process for most people, it doesn’t happen completely in one year/two, it may take years for a man to completely mature-out of one or two childish behaviour.
however, if your husband have many of these attributes mentioned above, then he’s truely a boy and not a man. That doesn’t mean he is a bad man though, it only tell you that you would need to be more tolerant and understanding, the person that would do more work is not that ‘boy’; but you! No matter how much you complain and cry, a child is just a child, until he matures, you are wasting your time!
You need to find out what sort of child is he?, a toddler, an infant, or a tenager. This is what will determine what sort of tolerance you need to apply. You can blame him for everything, yet that wouldn’t change anything. Just imagine how must mothers complain about their children not doing things as quickly as they would expect, sometime you would need to correct or remind them about same issues repeatedly. I know it’s not so easy though, but the best way is not to try to change him, this will frustrate you, rather, you should concentrate on changing your mindset, your perception about ‘an idea marriage’ that many women fantasize about. You need to tell yourself the truth!,you are a baby seater or a child minder, so you have got to start get going with it, you need to admit the situation, accept it as a challenge, convince yourself you can make it, and don’t fool yourself that you would change him, instead you should be determined to change!I hope this was helpful in anyway or it answers abit of your question?. Should you need to clearify any issues please Mail/call me. Agape love you.
Question 2: What are the attributes of a true man?
The first thing you should seek in a true man is understanding. He would undestand that his wife’s ability is different from his, he must admit and celebrate the weakness in his wife, instead of complaining and looking for fault, he rather should see his wifes weakness as a strength in himself. A man should turn his wife’s weakness to strength and vice versa.
A man should be patient, loving, tolerating, providing for his home, caring, giving, support with domestic affair and many more. The Bible said in Genesis 2: 23,’ ..that Adam and Eve were both naked and they were not ashamed of each other’. A man is never ashamed of his wife, no matter the circumstances, no matter the educational, financial or physical difference.
Remember that, when Joseph got to know that Mary; his wife was pregnant, the bible said in Matthew 2:19, ‘..he was not prepared to make his wife have a public disgrace..’ This is a man. Or like Abraham who listen to his wife even against his will, yet God told him to listen to his wife and send Ishmael and Haghai away, it was painful, yet Abraham had to be a man to do this. Finally a man follows the principles in 1 Peter 3:7
Question 3: Should i divorce a woman that is cheating on me?
To start with, i must let you know that God doesn’t like divorce in anyway.Well Jesus said, divorce is not allowed except on the condition that your wife or husband has been confirmed to have committed adultery. This is a great sin that is not allowed for any partner should ever get involved in. However, if this happens there are few things that could be done.
First, you can find out if it’s true and why. Sometime the fault may not be from your spouse, there maybe several reasons why this had happened, for example, they could be reason beyond her control or they might be your own fault. In whatever way it’s important for you to know why?, so that it doesn’t reoccure in future with her/ with the new person, and you can learn from it.
The option of forgiven her is welcome in my own opinion, even though it’s tuff and painful, but this would be my own opinion, although 65% of the men we surveyed on this issue, said they would forgive too.! But it’s entirely up to yourself what you want to do, this is just aguide.
If you divorce her because of adultery, what assurance do you have that the new woman in your life would not do it, or is not alreading doing it before you meet her?.
Adultery is sinful, but its not more dangerous than deciet, lack of trust, abuse, etc. They are all bad enough, but it can be managed. From our record 57% of the divorcees (based on adultery issue) that we interviewed shows us that if they had a chance to reverse their decisions they would be glad, they will forgive and stay in their marriages. They discovered that the grass is not greener outside, as it is supposedly expected.
However, 67% of divorcees( based on abuse), said they do not regret leaving the marriage, infact they feel better.
Finally i think, everybody has the power to divorce, so its cheap!,therefore people see as the simplest way to deal with issue in marriage, but the option that they have not explored well enough, is forgiveness. Although this option is not easy & tuff, more so if you are trying to do it by your own strength. If you need help with this we have dedicated faith based, trained and experienced counselling clinic that could help you in this regards.
I hope this helps, like i said it’s just a guide, may God help you to find the most appropriate answer within your soul.
Question 4: I have an abusive husband who physically & emotionally deal with me, what should i do?
Question 5: I discovered that i do not love my wife from my heart anymore, what should i do?
Question 6: I feel a sense of fear anytime my husband is around the house, what should i do?
Question 7: I dont enjoy sex with my husband, i never did, i am just tired of pretending, what should i do?
Question : I have been married to my husband for 18years, but my heart has always being with my ex boy friend for all these years, what can i do?
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